Knowing What you Want – Part 2 of 2
Last week I talked about the importance of really understanding what it is you want. I wrote about the importance of nailing down what you want; not just out of your trading, but what you want out of your life.
This week I want to make an important distinction that could have easily been missed in last week’s article.
I used the word “want” a lot in that article and only near the end did I discuss “choice” but it is really the choice that is the most important.
If we spend our time wanting, even if we think we know exactly what we want, than we spend our time focusing our energies on what we don’t have already. This is a sure-fire way to make ourselves miserable. We can deplete our energies entirely merely by focusing on want.
What is important for me to impart here is that while you DO need to identify what it is you’re really trying to manifest in your life it is the actual choice you make that becomes vitally important to your being able to create it or not.
Once you really choose an option that you find appealing you begin to assess your starting point. That immediately brings your focus to what you have. Once you’re dialed into what you have then you are building energy in your life that will help you create what it is you envisioned in the first place.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say Simon has always dreamed about being a lumberjack, but the course of his life has taken him to wherever he is now – let’s just say some office job. He gets up and goes to work every single day to support his lifestyle and he can see that he really has a lot to be grateful for, but he’s not feeling it because when he looks around him all he can see is the walls of his house, the boxiness of his car and the confines of his cubicle. Someone asks him what he wants. A new job? “No, I’d hate to have to start over new somewhere.” A better relationship? “No, we’re actually pretty comfortable with each other.” What do you want? “I want to be a lumberjack, but…” and he lists a diatribe of reasons why it won’t work or isn’t responsible. Each excuse takes him further and further away from what it is he really wants.
If he makes the choice to become a lumberjack:
Suddenly Simon decides to become a lumberjack. He hasn’t trained for it, he doesn’t know why he even wants to do it, but he has chosen to do it – once and for all. Now he’s chockfull of energy and drive. He has no idea how to go about becoming a lumberjack, but he knows he’s smart, he knows he’s got a supportive partner and resources to learn. He’s focusing, now, on what he has. His partner may even be excited to see some life breathed into Simon after all this time or…maybe Simon is able to recognize his partner as an enabler to his misery and have the strength to move on.
If he makes the choice to stick with what he’s already doing:
Maybe Simon decides to finally really be present in his current life and he realizes that if he’d really wanted to become a lumberjack he’d have done it. Since he didn’t he’s going to choose to be the best darned cubicle dweller there is because it does provide him with security and that is really what he’s wanted all along. Now he can look at security as his real choice and he’s going to recognize what he has going on in his life that provides that.
That recognition will lead to gratitude which will lead to happiness.
The point is that, one way or the other, Simon has finally made a choice. He first had to understand what it is he really wanted but he didn’t stay there. He didn’t keep on wanting.
As traders it is easy to want the end result of trade. Who doesn’t want fast, easy money?! But we have to understand what it is we’ve chosen once we step off of that starting block and entered into the race. We’ve chosen to learn and expand ourselves. We’ve chosen to do something that others don’t understand. We’ve chosen to forge a new path for ourselves and in doing so we’ve chosen to grow and expand and re-identify ourselves.
If you’re not energized by the thought of that process, perhaps you’re not ready to make the change or maybe this isn’t what you really want.
But…once you recognize the consequences of this choice you may be thrilled to start (or re-start) this journey. Now it is your task to focus on the choice. What do you have that enables you to institute the change? Good teachers, supportive friends, family or spouse? A brain that is able to learn? A discipline that is willing to re-awaken? What do you have that fuels this endeavor? Put your time, energy and focus there and you will find that you are no longer depleting yourself – you are energizing yourself and you are re-creating yourself into a trader.
Tell me 3 things that you have, right now, that enable your trading? Which of those 3 things do you think could use some more focus and attention (read: more gratefulness)? Does it feel good to redirect to what you have (vs what you don’t)?
Triffany Hammond helps traders of all levels, gain the tools, resources and guidance necessary to build on their strengths and work around their weaknesses so that they can make the best possible decisions for themselves in the Forex Market. Triffany is a regular speaker and contributor at 
Bare with me here … cos I do struggle with this problem but in a different way …
There is a difference between our friend Simon Choppit and us/me. Once Simon decides to focus on becoming a lumberjack, hard as though it may be, the basic stages in becoming a lumberjack are within his control, so that his focus is the key and his decision to become a lumberjack can direct him towards success. However, Al Mond who wishes to start his own nut stand business has pitfalls in front of him (pitfalls get it
) that are out of his control . As much as he may be obsessed with nuts, not everyone else may be, and he can put all the efforts in the world to attract people to buying his nuts but that does not necessarily lead him to success. He may have to re-think his position and decide that maybe it can’t be done or maybe his capability is just not up to success in this area despite his desire for it to work, maybe he’ll have to go back to being president of the SNB.
As traders, we, for the most part, have managed that initial drive to focus us towards becoming a trader, thats why we are here, right ? What is missing is after having driven for so long, maybe no one wants to buy our peanuts ? maybe we should go back to chasing after Paris Hilton as a paparazzi ?
Is this comment completely off target or am I just off target ?
I believe that if we focus on the end result, no matter the vocation, then we’re missing all of the elements that provide for us during the process of getting to that end result.
Ultimately, you want to make money with your trading. Yes, that’s the main draw.
There are a lot of things that are out of your control. Yes, that’s very true and what makes it so risky.
But if we keep our focus on those two things alone, then we’re overlooking everything else that this path (or any path a person could choose) has to offer. It is in all of that stuff that we’re overlooking where the real answers lie.
What else are you getting out of learning to trade? Personal insights, personal development, learning to be disciplined, becoming more patient, the list goes on and on.
Now that the focus is on what we’re getting out of the process we can develop and hone those elements and that will ultimately make the change we’re after in our lives.
The problem really lies in shifting the focus…it is very difficult to do. Even more difficult than shifting the focus is changing the belief system that kept our attention diverted in the first place. Fear, disbelief, fear, anger, doubt, fear…these are the emotions that drive our attention to the unproductive side of our lives.
In answer to your question maybe you should just go back to your former life (whatever that was)…maybe you should…but I’d encourage you to really understand why you’d be making that choice.
Maybe you revert because you realize you don’t like risk, you don’t like feeling out of control, you don’t like the learning and growing process it makes you feel uncomfortable. That’s where the knowing what you WANT in the first place comes in handy. Do you want to stay with the familiar as long as possible (change is still inevitable) or do you want to expand yourself into something new and glean everything you can from the process? Often the answer is the first for people (for now)…that’s fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing what you want…but…
… it is the unconscious choice that I want to dissuade you from.
I can only make a sports analogy here, I think. Growing up in Indiana; we are the basketball capital of the world . The list of great players from this tiny state , less than 6 million, reads like a whos’ who of basketball legends.
Growing up we played for the love of the game , baskets on barn doors. My home court was mud/dirt. Hours were spent playing, shooting free throw pickup games, dribbling with our left hands.
The movie ” Hoosiers ” is a true story as is the pictures of the scenery; and did any of you see the little tiny school from Indiana ” Bulter ” play ” Duke” in the finals this year ?
See, if you do all the little things at basketball and practice them well ; the money will follow. I think this is the idea in becoming a good trader. First embrace learning to be a good trader , practice your methods and the money will follow.
Just my 2 cents
“I believe that if we focus on the end result, no matter the vocation, then we’re missing all of the elements that provide for us during the process of getting to that end result …”
Really made me think now, beacuse I make a conscious effort to focus on the end result in my trading (and by end result I mean what I want out of my trading – not just the money). Why? because that’s what energises me. Focus is feelings and the object of my focus determines the longevity of my feelings. If I focus on my last trade, good or bad, that feeling persists until the next trade – good or bad. If I focus on my trading state my feelings persist for the duration of that state. Consequently it may persist over multiple trades as I experience my developmental progression. My ‘State’ feelings are less ephemeral than my ‘Trade’ feelings but still prone to swings. Now if I focus on my end result my ‘Vocation’ feelings kick in and it is these that are long lasting and keep me anchored to the prize even when the trade goes against me and my state is unbalanced.
My ultimate? embrace the present, learn from the past and keep my eyes firmly on the prize
